The Impact of Family Dynamics on Young Athletes

Sitting in on one of my daughter’s 7th grade lacrosse games, it’s easy to see how much team dynamics can affect the individual. She plays for Salesianum School, and they are clearly a family. Every athlete is supported by her teammates, and every teammate has someone else cheering them on from the sidelines. They win together. They lose together. The bond is evident. They are a local community, working together for a common goal.

But what happens when home dynamics are off? Maybe it’s a small problem, or maybe it’s a big issue; regardless, how does the family unit affect the athlete on the field, and how does the field affect the family’s dynamics?

As a family business owner, I am constantly thinking about how our practices affect not only our bottom line, but also our people…and their families. Every day, parents need support systems both personally and financially. If those systems become strained, or break down, they need to be replaced and rebuilt. As much as parents want to protect their children from familial transitions, they often cannot. How do you help your child transition through the loss of a family unit while supporting their growth as an athlete? And what is happening behind the scenes that’s affecting the entire family unit, as well as the children being coached?

Studies show that the development of teamwork, cooperation, trust, and communication improve when children are included in sports. A child’s social and emotional development is greatly affected by team sports. While other sports may be more built around individual achievements and goals (golf, tennis), lacrosse and other team sports are broadly based on supporting your team as a whole. By being included on a team, a child may feel less isolated. Studies have shown that even children coming from broken homes or who have experienced the divorce of their parents have much better self-esteem than those who have not participated in organized sports.

Sadly, this is not always a perfect system. Sometimes, parents have a rocky relationship during the divorce process, and it can be difficult for children playing for perhaps separately owned sports teams to feel free participating with their teammates. Parents may use participation on a sports team as leverage in a messy situation, causing the child to feel torn between parents. Children may then start experiencing their own shame for the actions of one of their parents and experience self-blame about the divorce process. This puts even more strain on the parent-child relationship, and it is difficult to determine the true impact sports may have had during these times.

Communities, however, seem to stay intact. There is a culture of loyalty and, oddly enough, support for families in transition. Not only do these communities come together having been through similar experiences, but they continue to rally for their teammates’ children. As parents leave practices, travel to and from games, and offer support for their children’s teams, they are also creating a different type of family. At the core, communities are benefitting from the involvement of all types of families, providing a solid foundation for youth ages 13-18. For example, coaches are teaching children how to work with adults and resolve conflicts, while also giving them real-world experiences and exposure.

Dealing with a loss of a family unit is hard, but being a part of a sports team where all other children and parents have their own struggles can be reassuring. No two households are the same, and you can be assured that every child is in a different situation. It builds trust amongst children, allows for bonding with adults, and creates a larger support system for all. It also teaches children how to work out their differences, respect their coaches and teammates, and bond with others.

Recognizing that being part of a community, even during rough times, has positive benefits for a family unit. In the case of Delaware SEPA, their support extends far beyond the field into the legal system. With comprehensive delaware separation laws, an advocacy group promoting parental rights in the face of divorce and separation, children receive additional support while playing team sports. This is especially helpful for the families of our SEPA Lacrosse players, as it secures their place on the field while giving them a voice in their home life as well.

While families are in transition, and everyone is adjusting to new living arrangements, keeping children on the field keeps them focused on the game. Coaches build relationships with children, and they naturally begin to bridge the gap between the player and the parents. Having separate ways of communicating with parents helps parents feel heard, while coaches often fill in the gaps the family sometimes misses. Although there is often an innate struggle between parents and coaches, sometimes, they become the only voice the child hears.

In a similar way, friendships begun on the field often extend beyond. Future events, college, homes, and businesses can be started with a teammate from your local community. Building connections is what happens when children are included in community sports. This is why programs like Holt Lacrosse try to give their athletes financial, legal, and moral support wherever possible.

When these families rally together, it’s a tightly formed bond. The stories that I have seen from Holt Lacrosse families who are navigating the trials and tribulations of separation and divorce are truly inspiring. Each story, while unique, has the same undercurrent: these children from separated families have bigger aspirations, stronger goals and higher expectations. They do not let their situations hold them back; rather, they experience a period of resilience, standing even taller when facing adversity.

Tips for Supporting Young Athletes During Family Transitions

1. Communicate. Parents should continue to communicate openly and respectfully after their divorce or family separation. Though it may be hard at the time, leaving children on the sidelines can be detrimental. Try to make plans before each season to alert your former partners of any changes to the schedules.
2. Include Children. Keep your child involved in each step of the planning process, including communicating with your partner. Give them a chance to build skills both on and off the field, and give them confidence in speaking up.
3. Seek Support. Even if you have the support of your partner, it’s equally important to have your teammates to lift you up. Coaches also can sometimes fill the void when parents cannot be there.
4. Remove Tensions from the Team. Running your personal issues outside of the field can help keep team dynamics impartial and fair. When a child feels that they are playing for themselves and not as a bargaining chip between parents, their performance improves!
5. Build a Community. Bring your team together, and work towards a common goal. In the end, the team wins!