As the fall season begins, many of us are looking forward to the fun and friendship that comes with time spent on the field and off with our lacrosse family. We are just starting the warm-up and have a bit to go, but it won’t be long before things like the roommate lottery, weekend activities, and the like become more involved. It’s usually a time of year when all of us feel lucky to be part of the Holt Lacrosse family.

Family life and schooling outside of our passion for lacrosse can sometimes get complicated, though. This field and family is not free of disputes, misunderstandings, and other issues that can affect your younger athletes. It is important to have as much knowledge as possible, whether you are involved in the situation or not. Even if you are only an acquaintance of the family going through turmoil, understanding what’s going on can be important.

The topic du jour is privacy.

Privacy is a big topic in law and jurisprudence and, whether people realize it or not, the laws are constantly changing and being amended. Privacy is also a big concept in the world of family practices and child custody. Children are the center of dispute, often when it comes to things like school placement, child care, and living arrangements. The question of privacy is relevant to everything from parenting plans to class schedules and after school activities.

Before we look into how custody agreements affect young men and women on the Holt Lacrosse crew, a little context is required.

Child custody agreements, certain court orders, and child dependency proceedings are all considered public record. This means that anyone – regardless of who they are – can access these records on the internet. The privacy conundrum comes into play when the information contained in those records can be unpublished or private. Much of Washington State’s laws on the topic are laid out in Revised Code of Washington Chapter 13.34. (“Dependency Act.”) RCW 13.34 is meant to protect children from abuse and neglect – but the rules can sometimes have unintended consequences in situations such as these.

In Washington State, children have the right to know as much of what is happening in their lives as they are able to understand. This is based on two important legal concepts: the liberty of the child and the progression of the child through age and functional ability.

Still, no person should have their family issues exposed, discussed, or exploited by others. Any adult who has been through a complex family struggle knows how difficult and emotional it can be on each person involved, especially when children are around. It is important to not forget about the kids.

To discuss concerns with other families members in a way that is both constructive and considered, consider the following:

As the Holt Lacrosse family continues to grow, brand new experiences and opportunities present themselves in regards to tournament hosting, away events, fundraisers, and the like. Many families in our organization would welcome these new opportunities! The takeaway here is to remember to keep an open line of communication and understand that these situations can sometimes be sensitive to those involved.

There is no denying that youth sports are a community focused venture, creating a bond between children, parents, coaches, and the extended family of supporters. We are – today and every day – good people. Through structured oversight, volunteers, and some legal tools, we can continue to be the best role models possible. It is our job – as coaches, mentors, leaders, and family – to care for our youth, along with their needs, mistakes, and overlooked details.

Many times, kids need to have their feelings processed and they don’t know how to interact with adults, let alone adults in authority. When we put everything into perspective, we see that the parents and coaches are expecting the kids to understand the responsibility of their school work, standing goals, and classroom attendance. Notably, this is the very same concept that kids likely do not understand in their personal home life. That’s okay. If we haven’t been taught something (we all communicate and express differently), that doesn’t mean we cannot learn. Take a guidance approach when speaking with your kids and remember that they don’t have to inform you of their entire life – including their friends, school, and private thoughts – they just have to be heard.

We are allowed to make mistakes and judgment calls that we all later regret or want to change, so never feel like you must pass judgement on a fellow family member unless you know the entire story or have lived through the exact same circumstance.

Celebrations, weekends, and away locations are exciting and well-deserved by everyone involved. Spending a weekend away from home can create new memories and deepen bonds that didn’t seem likely when things got heated in the middle of the season. Sometimes, though, it can stir the pot – creating unexpected (and unwelcomed) drama and exposing issues that some would rather keep a secret.

At the end of the day, morally quantifying what is right and what is wrong is probably not going to be your priority. You will likely be busy organizing the fundraisers, the care packages, and keeping communication flowing between everyone involved. As always, the best way to prevent a trouble situation is to remember that it isn’t your kid who is having the problem and try to keep the lines of communication open.

Crisis situations can become problematic when lawyers or other advocates are involved. It might be necessary to include them in some conversations if direction is lacking or another family is refusing to cooperate.

In most circumstances, instruction is the action of choice and it is an important boundary for everyone to protect. Parents are human and parents make mistakes. Those mistakes should never be used against their children, though, nor should those mistakes be reviewed publicly or otherwise exploited.

It is never the kids’ fault their mom or dad is going through a tough time, working overtime, or fighting a battle with someone who is doing the exact same thing. If there is a moment when you must get the legal system involved, consult with the individual first and try to determine an approach that can achieve the results needed without exposing the process to others.

Parents and youth athletic organizations both want what is best for the kids, so at the end of the day, our ultimate goal is to support the juvenile and help them through emotional difficulties.

As a way to support the kids and parents trying to maintain these boundaries, coaches can help by practicing their own privacy and encouraging the right conversations inside and outside the field.

Parents, youth coaches, and other adults involved in youth lacrosse have a responsibility to protect the kids, their families, and the pride of the Holt Lacrosse community. Are custody agreements public record and shared commitment to becoming better people are key components for healing and recovery.

For more information on privacy laws regarding child custody, you can visit Child Welfare Information Gateway.

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